today was Thursday... hmmm. so, today it was a normal day, the food at lunch was good, but when I went to throw away the remains of it and when I came back, my book Inkdeath WAS ON THE FLOOR! OMELET GRAPES!!!! THE WORLD IS IN A VERY SORRY STATE WHEN ONE FINDS ONES BOOK ON THE FLOOR!! COME ON!!!, so, about Inkdeath, I found that I have to read 45 pages to finish it by the 13, so yeah. and in p.e. today I did soccer AGAIN, and it was awful as always. I did get to kick the ball once, not the best I've done, and I kicked it the wrong way (when ever the ball comes to me I have a strange rush of confusion and it feels like time speeds up, unlike the rest of p.e. which feels about as long as the rest of the school day. so, AND I'M 4399 DAYS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!! =D!
- I have been thinking of the history of my dreams lately, and about 2 years ago they were almost always pleasent and normal, with the occasional scarry one, but not disturbing. now, about a little bit less than a year ago they changed, around the time when my personallity and my place in the world and what crowd I belonged to changed. they changed to dreams about amor in amorem incideris cum alia qualibet vice match omnes quæ diléxi valde. each time I awoke, I awoke with a longing, and after a while it left me in a pretty sorry state. after a while, these faded away and my dreams got a bit healthier again, and I was happier, but I missed these dreams. once in a while I would have them, but not frequently. some time around the beginning of having these dreams I had a dream that was quite vivid, and the world was engaged in a war- the whole intire world. people were killing people, dieing, and the population was decreasing rapidly, mankind going towards extinction, and people in authority didn't even care. it got so horrible that no one was safe and living out in the open was a disaster, and many people dug holes and buried themselves in a small living space, never to emerge again. after a while, I made a whole in this ice stuff, the texture was very similar to a iceberg, and was closed in a space just large enough to fit in crunched up with the walls squeezing me on all sides, and I was stuck there, I couldn't even move, I couldn't even end my life quickly and silently with I knife or something, forever. stuck in a hole doing nothing. starving, freezing or just dying to death. forever. never to see the outside world again. forever. thinking about it, I think that would be the worst possible death in the world, slowly rotting, and not being able to move, see anyone or anything again. stuck forever. throughout my life ever since I can remember, I have had dreams similar to this- getting stuck in a small hole forever, not to see or do anything again, just existing there forever. not even dying. just existing there with immortality not experiencing anything again, slowly rotting, forever. I guess that reflects my deepest fear: getting stuck in a horrible place, not being able to do anything about it, forever. so, after those few months of healthy regular dreaming, I had a new era of dreaming- the disturbing and the disastrous, which I am currently in. now, this era started with a dream I had when I was slowly being crushed by a several ton truck, and I felt this pressure on top of me before it started even touching me- I guess it was the fear, but I woke up before it actually started, and then the strange kicked in. dreams so strange, that I will only state what they are about in different languages. πρώτη μου ήταν πιθανώς ομοφυλόφιλος όνειρό βιαστής μου όταν ο καλύτερος φίλος μου γύρισε ομοφυλόφιλος και άρχισαν να βιάζουν μου συνεχώς. και όχι, δεν είμαι ομοφοβικό, αλλά αυτό ήταν ανατριχιαστικό. τότε μια άλλη εξαιρετική η μία ήταν όταν ερωτεύτηκε ένας γνωστός μου-ένα του ίδιου φύλου. και εγώ έγινε δημοφιλής και ήταν ενθαρρυντικά, και έφτασα όλους τους στόχους μου, αλλά, σοβαρά, γνωριμία που με το ζόρι γνωρίζω, το ίδιο φύλο, παράξενα. ego aliud est non qui euismod minim, obviam habui istunc et fratre alterius Guydo non habet fratrem meum sic quouismodo ego amavit fratrem suum et in fine diei nos manus habebant ubique euntes invicem stargazing, strata litora loquens, et amare vel sic EGO sententia. Mihi itaque angulus ambulantes clam et uidere altera puella et seniores et prettier ego vere tristis crassum et visa vera et evigilavi, cum vere amarum voluptas. that one just made me think: I need more excitement in my life. now after that, the disastrous struck. I keep on having dreams about horrible disasters. probably the strangest one was when I got attacked by the monster of my early childhood. now that I think about it, it was inaccurate. the line eyes don't directly take you to get sliced up into salsa and for other horrible fates, they have their henchmen called the groos to take innocent children there to- uh... never mind. but my most common and terrifying ones are about tidal waves. it started with a dream I had about a year ago when a fifteen foot wave crashed on top of me on a beech. but that was only the beginning. starting about 2 months ago, I have been having dreams about tidal waves destroying our house (its a waterfront) and in each one they get bigger and worse than before. I am not afraid of this in real life though, especially since we do not have that big of waves at all, though they are getting higher with the storms. the dream starts out normal, having a normal story line, but I never remember it, but the parts I remember always go the same way. we usually have company over, like a small party over or something, and the majority is always younger than me. so, we are ether in the room with the huge windows facing the water or outside near or on the beach. the waves are always larger than usual, at the beginning just amusing. the waves get slowly higher and farther, and we are amazed, thinking "wow! its never been this high!" and it seems harmless. I'm usually just peacefully doing something, and when I look at the water, I see a GIGANTIC WAVE, the latest one has been AS LARGE AS A SKYSCRAPER, and AS WIDE AS I COULD SEE, and I just stand there, paralyzed with fear, while sand, rocks, and pieces of lumber wash over us and quickly demolish the house, piece by piece. so, as I have said, in each dream this gets worse and worse, more and more terrifying, and it seems as if it is leading somewhere. also as I have said, I am not afraid of this in real life, but afraid of what will come, and it must be life changing.
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