I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH THIS BLOG. I'M NOT SWORN TO FOLLOW THE WHIMS OF MY ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD SELF. IT'S BEEN QUITE A FEW YEARS, I CAN MISS A FEW DAYS XD

Brian looks happy.

I've had this blog for 1373 days now. Someone should clap for me. I could look at my life on here, if I wanted to. Read between the lines of my absent minded typing away. I could never put anything between the lines right up front, as I can't really now, but it's there somewhere. Somewhere there's that odd fellow, smiling at everyone, going about life until it hits him in the face, leaving him to lay face down on a couch or a bed somewhere. Then he gets up, and it continues on again. Like a sinusoidal graph, has highs and lows. The worst of lows, but it always goes back up and sometimes stays there for a while. Losing touch with any aspect of life, from physical to eternal, then getting back up again. "Don't stop me now, I'm having a good time- I don't want to stop at all!" Because the show must go on. Chanting the daily mantra- Whatever it may be- To get him through the day. Sometimes it's rather easy, sometimes it's a piece of cake, and sometimes he just wants to cut it short, get it over with and never see a new day again.
Goodness, it could happen within a day, possibly a few hours. Some bloody thing is bound to set it off, but it always goes away with ignorance. Ignore the pain of doubt. You're doing fine, you're not doing anything wrong. You know you can't. And he realizes, things from God shouldn't make you want to kill yourself. And he's doing alright. He's getting along well, the same old story no matter how far it changes. The time between 10/8/10 and now has seen the day his childhood died abruptly, though he may not have been entirely aware at the time. It had seen the realisation that made him laugh and cry at the same time, making him happy no one else was around to see. It had seen the time when his stomach had sank to an all time low after a moment of stupid bravery, probably more than twice. It would always get better afterwards. Time has watched him put on a smile as a mask in the face of dificulty, but eventually set it straight. It's alright now, that good old odd fellow is doing fine, fantastically so. Except for this unfortunate headache, must be time to end the day and get ready for the next one.

I'm truly sorry if I've disappointed you. But I'm feeling alright today.