Monday, May 26, 2014

I am thinking about my thinking.

I am not coy anymore
I can't take a white page and write black letters.
I need to paint them on now, but not at the time.

There is some crazy guy in my head. But there's someone he's hired to take control of me. He's finding he dosn't like this person, and dosn't need them. But they're stuck. He is stuck with this person who matches this physical world, that everyone loves just who they are- A little human in a box.
How disgusting. This crazy guy is odd now, getting bolder- Occasionally almost violent, for no reason at all. He sees something, and knows he must have it- But he's not sure what he wants.
Just knows he dosn't want this drag over him.
You know who I have to be every day? Do you know how sick I feel in my stomach when I have to write out my own name? When I hear it? I have very nearly vomited after hearing MY NAME.
"My Name." I should really fire them.
I am the crazy guy in my head. And being labeled so is making me crazy, coming out in my dreamscape.
When I don't have someone running my life, I feel great. When I'm walking alone, and no body knows me. Thinking of how good it would be if people would know my name. My real name. And they'd call me it, and I'd wave. I'd be an honest fellow, be a bit odd, but a great fellow. I would be how I feel in the mornings, strolling the halls with my head up high (or glancing low), laugh out loud, not be afraid to speak. Be a jerk, and feel sorry for it. Lose things, win things. Get the best things, make me feel alright. Worth it, like everything is worth it for Keith.

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